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I am not in a good place today

I am not in a good place today.  I don’t exactly know why except that the last two days were very different from my normal routine. I wish that I had just gone straight to bed when I got home yesterday instead of hanging out and playing games and making cookies and making candles.  I feel strange about saying that but I think if I had made that choice I would feel more in control today.  I feel odd about it because usually my rant is, “I don’t have any friends.” But today it’s closer to, “Friends, please let me sleep!”

I can’t focus so I can’t get any work done at work.  And  I don’t have any chocolate but even if I did I really don’t need it because sitting on my butt at work is making me fat enough.  [Thank you Gawker]  And I’m supposed to work extra hard this week to be able to take two days off to go back to Vermont.  I know I just came back from there, but due to a small planning mistake, boyfriend wasn’t able to accompany me.  So we’re going back at the end of this week since our friends have this condo timeshare for a whole week.

I know enough about myself to know that if I’m in a funk it’s usually biological, and the emotions I ascribe to the feeling are really just me reaching for convenient (and not necessarily correct) explanations.  But it’s hard to fix the biological issues.  I am tired and I feel like I need down time to do exactly what I want to do, which is nothing. But I always need much more time to do nothing than I think I do.  Doing nothing takes a long time!