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For our first Christmas together in 2008, I bought D a blue sweater. I didn’t know what to get him and so I played it safe. He made me a ton of homemade CDs and gave it to me in two CD cases for my car, because I spent so much time driving between Boston & Amherst. It was such a sweet gift because he spent a lot of time choosing music I liked. He’s still very aware of what songs I like & he’ll “like” them for me on Pandora when they come on.

Feeling Materialistic

I am feeling greedy and materialistic. I think this is the evolution of my feelings of listlessness and despair earlier today.  I read about how teens are more materialistic in the absence of strong interpersonal relationships.

I don’t like feeling depressed, and I don’t like feeling materialistic. It makes me feel guilty to want things, since Christmas is coming and you’re supposed to give things not get them. Also it’s rough because boyfriend is still unemployed and really doesn’t have any money to burn.  I feel super guilty wanting things and knowing he can’t get them for me.  And I feel guilty wanting to get them for myself since if I have that money to burn, I feel a need to save it (in case I am laid off) or buy gifts. I feel a compulsion to do so but not a desire.

I am interesting in being generous and feeling positive. I feel like a sour lemon and once I squeeze out all the sour juice I will add some sugar and contribute to society. I am excited about this: I am going to buy my preschool teacher friend a gift of books for kids from the website: http://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com/How-it-works.html. I wasn’t planning to spend that much but it just feels right because we started a book club together and the book we’re currently reading is called The Life You Can Save which is about charitable giving.